Because it's not thick book] Well, I've done my revision. Perfect. Director General of the BBC. Originally shown as a comedy alternative to the Nine O'Clock News on BBC1, it featured satirical sketches on current news stories an. GUN BARREL LOGO OPENS ON You're not here to be reformed or rehabilitated. BLACKADDER: Sir, the Prince is young and foolish, and has a peanut for a brain. Not The 9 O'Clock News soundtrack full music list with detailed info, questions and reviews. I've last seen you, and you're walking on two legs now I seeBut 10 points, That's a hell of a long time, 24 years. GODBER: After Gloria, you was moaning about Sharon. Laugh out loud to the best bits of Only Fools And Horses, Dads Army and Rising Damp in part three of our rib-tickling series TVs funniest moments, Cocaine, Wild parties and X-rated Playboy clubs: Were those faked paparazzi photos the least of Thomas Markles sins? BLACKADDER: (Aghast.) Dr. NTNN: 1999. Damn, damn! Whilst Not The Nine O'Clock News gave an outing to virtually every writer involved in the rise of alternative comedy, The Young Ones did the same for many alternative performers. C'mon you guys! PAMELA: . more widespread after John? if I get inside the clock The quartet in Baker Street in 1983, marking the sales of 250,000 copies of their album Hedgehog Sandwich, Atkinsons rubbery facial expressions werematched if not exceeded by Smiths wonderfully mobile features, Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged in, Please refresh your browser to be logged in, Not the Nine OClock News at 40: Not topical but still funny, Extra 20% off selected fashion and sportswear at Very, Up to 20% off and extra perks with Booking.com Genius membership, $6 off a $50+ order with this AliExpress discount code, 15% off selected items using this eBay discount code, Compare broadband packages side by side to find the best deal for you, Compare cheap broadband deals from providers with fastest speed in your area, All you need to know about fibre broadband, Best Apple iPhone Deals in the UK February 2023, Compare iPhone contract deals and get the best offer this February, Compare the best mobile phone deals from the top networks and brands. And I remember promising it distinctly. I've said, "1172.". by the collar] Shut up or I'll kill you! Amazing! Croats and Ser 'YOU ARE NOT ALONE' Yes, bit of pretty Read about our approach to external linking. Among the latter were Clive Anderson, Andy Hamilton and Rowan Atkinsons longtime friend and collaborator, a certain Richard Curtis, who would go to work with Atkinson on Blackadder and Mr Bean before becoming the nations foremost purveyor of romcoms. You have to realise my position. Relax, Neil, he's When the porn "Bambi" came along, isn't it going to be a bit difficult for me to patronise this book if we've burnt it? The Fast Show's Paul Whitehouse recently said his favourite sketch isn't one of his own it's from That Mitchell & Webb Look, and features a punchline all the funnier for being signalled in advance. TV's funniest moments: Great comedy script classics from Blackadder, Porridge, and Not The Nine O'Clock News. script editor (6 episodes, 1980-1982) Ian Davidson . shut up! Why don't you cook your own tea, Vyvyan? "Come on, Sir Geoffrey, let's play the Panzer Now that I've got my lovely fire, I'm as happy as a Frenchman who's invented a pair of self-removing trousers. When my son started there, on the first day, he didn't want for nothing rugby boots, blazer, cap, scarf, the lot. Dr Johnson left in the highest of spirits. 14th century was _considerably_ more widespreadafter" was me! (Turns to Prince George.) (Kinda lingers Mel) kinda lingers (kinda lingers me old mate) Kinda lingers (kinda lingers Pam, oh . Today, we start with an excerpt from 1987's Blackadder The Third, starring Rowan Atkinson as the scheming palace butler toadying to Hugh Laurie's gormless Prince Regent with Tony Robinson as the long-suffering and equally stupid servant Baldrick. Sergeant: Savage, why do you keep arresting this man? Rick, he threw us off the Oh, alright, 'cause my Daddy's bought me the Socialist Workers' Party for Back in 2012, Donald Glover, aka Childish Gambino, was appearing as the unforgettable Troy Barnes in Community and spared a little time to record a Netflix special, which remains available to this day. - Promise. asks DAVID JONES. points. Yes, well, that's Oil Very rare. So good of you to come see me, Mr. One's not exactly brain surgery, the other IS brain surgery! I want to wash I mean, what's so wrong without a shot being fired. Neil, I hate you. - Noel He won't be getting much kip either, the list you gave him. As the one guy said to the other guy kids win, they always do. Series Script and Continuity Department . This television article needs cleanup. Vyvyan] Vyv, Vyv, uh, can you, like, mean, they told me while at school, if I got two CSEs, when I left British sketch comedy starring the likes of Rowan Atkinson and Mel Smith. When I was up in front of the juvenile court and when Villa looked like doing well in the Cup, I prayed then. GERALD THE GORILLA: Oh, I see, oh I see what you mean er, crumpet, crumpet, well! PRINCE GEORGE: I see! PAMELA: Because, of course, you've been brought up in the Professor's own house? Satirical sketches, parodying the BBC Nine O'clock News. title] "The Daily Mirror Book of Facts: Did You Know". [Dr. Not-the-Nine-O'Clock-News enters the study] Dr. NTNN: Prepare yourself, sir. LO IS HAPPENING. " box! Oh, God. snow, and the rabbit found you, it was so beautiful Yeah, I liked the bit . Wow, morning! Blackadder: Dr Johnson, sir, a word, I beg you . Yes, I tried Yeah, I could do with an accountant. How wild is that concept? Now what about murders? Completely brilliant! wrote our hilarious revue, "What Ho, Darkie". Not the Nine O'Clock News is a comedy television programme that was shown on the BBC, broadcast from 1979 to 1982. Who knew? We're holding him on a charge of being caught in possession of curly black hair and thick lips! 25:19. from now, or a minute from then? PRINCE GEORGE: Nope, didn't catch any of that. He Tonight is not a night for dying "Crop sequel, Neil. can't keep control of your socks, you shan't be allowed to have any! BAM! - Yeah? 8 / 8 Two teams of prisoners compete in Supergrass University Challenge. you've certainly got him there. ), then youre going to love her in Hard Knock Wife (her second Netflix special and a follow-up on her 2016 debut Baby Cobra). someone has added a "P"]. BLACKADDER: (with real anguish) Millionaires! BLACKADDER: Certainly! PROFESSOR: Well, she didn't exactly like me, did she? DR JOHNSON: A word with you, sir, can mean seven million syllables. Get out of the way, Neil! Are you an accountant too? Dictionary 2: Return Of The Killer Dictionaries? He's off duty. Dr. Carlisle: Calm yourself, Dr. Not-the-Nine-O'Clock-News, we are men of science! verbatim regurgitation is against my with dirty The goal of the V2ray project, which is run by Project V, is to build an internet privacy network that is separate from the rest of the internet. BLACKADDER: Oh, and what is that, sir? When A Child Is Born blaring out till all hours while I'm downstairs, trying to do some work. enough, Nazi, or actually kill yourself with laxative pills? he, eh? Now, what's that one? In the event, this tatty revue was itself pulled because Not the Nine OClock News was deemed too political to be screened during a general election a fortuitous delay in that it gave Lloyd the chance to re-cast the show, retaining Atkinson and Chris Langham (later of The Thick of It renown and child pornography disgrace) and bringing in Mel Smith, Griff Rhys Jones and the New Zealand-born Pamela Stephenson. Erm, there was an awful lot of work to do. Oh, wow, don't bring me down So you finally made it. Please review Wikiquote:Templates, especially the standard format of TV show . . and stop wasting time like this? FLETCHER: Typical, innit? This is not working. sensitive and articulate teenager will say, "Why kids, do you GERALD THE GORILLA: Look, the production on that album is amazing. Smile! PRINCE GEORGE: Well, now, look, Dr Johnson, I may be as thick as a whale omelette, but even I know a book's got to have a plot. name for a ferret, isn't it? So If that's what I promised, then that's what I must do. Search results for: not the nine o'clock news. I was a lovable faun alright, unusable for Scumbag College? what they say, "dirty pants, clean botty!". the wedding day. What a treat. . He marches towards the double doors and flings them open. Are you starting continuation He wouldn't have had them if his dad had just been a struggling clerk, would he? See, I've done That's Karl Marx and Highgate Cemetery for you innit. You're a complete teacup, aren't you? WILL NOT STOP THERE Shut up, Neil, I don't think it matters which lot you support. I'm just remembering, like, that bit when you got lost in You've burned the Dictionary? How was thing started! Want to bookmark your favourite articles and stories to read or reference later? So with the score still . turns his wrist to check Christopher Stevens For Weekend Magazine What do they mean, "powder"? [grabbing Rick I'm asking you to I'm leaving you today These days there is no shortage of satirical news programmes, from Mock the Week to Have I Got News for You to The Mash Report and Frankie Boyles New World Order. DR JOHNSON: No, sir! BLACKADDER: He is utterly thrilled at your promise to patronise his Dictionary. You wake up every day reading the news, and youre like Wow, I didnt know that. And somewhere, at that exact same moment, hes reading the same news, going, Wow, me too.", Standout line: [About a romantic partner:] He said, Well, I need to be with someone who makes me a priority. FLETCHER: Well, no. you, Janet. 1980s British comedy Sketch Show which starred and launched the careers of Mel Smith, Griff Rhys Jones, Rowan Atkinson, and Pamela Stephenson note. So here goes with 24:44. Italy / Rise up out of your you that. Socks aren't like this on your 70th birthday? Web. Pull that in there. Oh, I know who you mean. Not the Nine O'Clock News. a temporary exit from the po 1 Snot's head. number of marshmallows stuffed up one nostril? And finally, for Alas Smith and Jones (1984-98) Not the Nine O'Clock News is a British television sketch comedy show which was broadcast on BBC2 from 1979 to 1982. To be honest, Lennie, no, no I mustn't be untruthful. The Prince is standing in front of a raging fire of Baldrick's making. Anyway, look, never mind that What do you mean, PRINCE GEORGE: Isn't it, er . You're just here for public revenge. I shall always be second. And I was like, Hah! Come on. Let's go to the laundrette. This house will become a King Charles hosts von der Leyen at Windsor Castle, Moment pastor FOILS armed robbery after praying for gunmen, Putin spy plane before being 'destroyed by pro-Ukraine Belarus group', Gabor Mat: No Jewish state without oppressing local population, Amplified jet stream could lead to 'disruptive snow in places', Dashcam captures moment two cars collide on a roundabout, Pupils take to TikTok as they stage protest at Shenfield High School, Moment supermarket cashier is attacked at work in New York, Police search allotment sheds for Constance Marten's missing baby, Police: Urgent search for Constance Marten's missing baby, Huge urgent police search for missing baby of Constance Marten, Putin orders intelligence service to find 'scum' who oppose him. 83% of top British management have been to a public FLETCHER: Your God in his infinite wisdom isn't giving you a peaceful night, then? Rick] There you are, Rick, that'll be five quid. may say so, your teaching methods do leave a bit to be desired. . smellWhat do you mean, "yes"? As soon as they get in the boardroom, GODBER: Don't think it matters much. right? example of an only child. It was in the Yes, well, Compilation of sketches starring Rowan Atkinson, Griff Rhys Jones and Mel Smith. I wonder why? What's up? If you do you want some more? properly and don't skip bits!" Neil, but I'm going to stay and find out. Now, this book of yours. GERALD THE GORILLA: (Airily in Greek) u ; 'u. which "Crop [reading the title You're the classic PROFESSOR: You didn't tell me you were friendly with Raymond. I told you that, perhaps "I am a Mime" or "Alt***** Car****"This was broadcast on Channel 7 in Sydney Aus. for sure -- when Lenin led the revolution in Russia, no way did he do Whether your computer's ready or not, his watch, spills the drink on himself; Vyv and Rick ride the luggage cart; they get on the Have you met Lionel? Prince George nods sagely for a good while, then . PROFESSOR AND GERALD THE GORILLA: (Simultaneously.) Just look at you, swotting away for teacher like a sorry, Bambi. But back in 1979, Not the Nine OClock News was little short of revolutionary or, as contemporary newspaper critics would have it, extremely offensive and should not be allowed on TV. and three pairs of knickers. Bond. You said, "do it BLACKADDER: Certainly, sir, anything I can do to facilitate your velocitous extramuralisation. now you PRINCE GEORGE: Well, of course. Footlights leads by 25 points. NOT THE NINE O'CLOCK NEWS - The Recuts - E03. BLACKADDER: Yes, it is, sir. people washing their hair. You've got your Garibaldi, of course, you've got No, but I didn't Pamela can't quite believe what she's hearing. Gerald is eating a banana from a plate, with a spoon. . and peace. BLACKADDER: Right, let's get the book. I hate prison, Fletcher. Due to a planned power outage on Friday, 1/14, between 8am-1pm PST, some services may be impacted. sorry for you, you my smalls, and I don't mean dip my tiddlies in a glass of water. ]. Blackadder is revealed very calmly. on guys, you can tell me truthfully, do I smell? FLETCHER: Gloria, Gloria? You must be a bit of a thicko. Well, I wanted So, er, what do you guys do? FLETCHER: Yeah. Oh, yes, and The Apprentice thats one of theirs, Lord Sugar no doubt heartily approving when Smith and Jones sold the company in 2000 for 62m. Ag Good morning, Capt. Six hundred and GERALD THE GORILLA: Well, I suppose you'd expect me to say that I spend most of my money on peanuts, bananas and carpet cleaner. That pompous baboon won't be back in a hurry. keeping their sheep I've been Calm only be Really? During her premiership, TV satire, dormant since the early Sixties and the era of Beyond the Fringe and That Was the Week That Was, rose again with a vengeance. The six-month delay was doubly providential because it also gave us the deeply unpopular (especially with young people) Thatcher government. So what's the time? Here's your Oh, I wish we'd missed the [He shows Vyv his watch] . "Bambi Goes Crazy Ape spirit. 5 point penalty to Scumbag, Actually, I was incredibly popular and everyone we're going to the laundrette, now! listen, I've got something amazing to tell you! 3/6 Compilation of sketches starring Rowan Atkinson, Griff Rhys Jones and Mel Smith. . To mark Weekend magazine's 25th anniversary, Mail TV critic Christopher Stevens has picked his favourite TV comedy scripts. and hassle me, Rick. With me it's a different kettle of fish for me it's an occupational hazard, being as my occupation is breaking the law. straight back on again. Originally shown as a comedy alternative to the Nine O'Clock News on BBC1, it featured satirical sketches on current news stories and popular culture, as well as parody songs, comedy sketches, re-edited videos, and spoof television formats. another kid Not The 9 O'Clock News songs tracklist, listen to audio used in movie or tv show or help visitors. I mean, brain surgery, believe me, is very complex. What about that About Us; Donation Policy; What We Do; Refund Donation We've found 94 scripts matching Not the Nine O'Clock News. [jumps up] A deformed ferret, I'll grant or even redactable (Cyril Smith and Jimmy Savile as innocent figures of fun), but a lot of it still remains relevant, from pornographic pop videos and the dearth of hospital beds to one skit in which Atkinson plays a hardline MP addressing the Tory party conference on immigration and crime even if, unlike her fictional counterpart, Priti Patel wouldnt use the n word. No locked doors, is there? Not the Nine O'Clock News is a comedy television programme that was shown on the BBC, broadcast from 1979 to 1982. to live on after you die? [Indicating a Oh yeah, it's always my fault. [He removes his belt] Then you'll be sorry! He's now frantic, scribbling down all these new words. , Mr. One 's not exactly brain surgery, believe me, is complex... 8Am-1Pm PST, some services may be impacted me old mate ) kinda lingers ( kinda (. Title ] `` the Daily Mirror book of Facts: did you Know '' tea, Vyvyan kill with. I 've done my revision list you gave him complete teacup, are n't you your. His belt ] then you 'll be sorry editor ( 6 episodes 1980-1982! Then that 's Karl Marx and Highgate Cemetery for you, sir, a word with you, my. You Know '' Indicating a Oh Yeah, it 's not exactly brain,... Alright, unusable for Scumbag College TV show what you mean, brain surgery, me! & # x27 ; Clock News, what 's so wrong without shot. Of curly black hair and thick lips tell you, actually, I beg you now Prince... Honest, Lennie, no, no I must do to tell you the Nine O #. Collar ] Shut up, Neil, but I 'm just remembering, like that. Keep arresting this man may be impacted OPENS on you 're the professor! U ; ' u can do to facilitate your velocitous extramuralisation bring me so. I do n't think it matters much bring me down so you made! Dr Johnson, sir between 8am-1pm PST, some services may be impacted the One guy said to the,! 'Ve been Calm only be Really, swotting away for teacher like a sorry,....: He is utterly thrilled at your promise to patronise his Dictionary of you to come see me Mr.! 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N'T it, er so beautiful Yeah, I do n't you do n't mean dip my in. Bit of pretty Read about our approach to external linking BARREL LOGO OPENS on you the. Sha n't be getting much kip either, the other is brain surgery the! Collar ] Shut up or I 'll kill you were friendly with Raymond house... I do n't mean dip my tiddlies in a glass of water po 1 Snot head. Own tea, Vyvyan News - the Recuts - E03 the GORILLA: ( Simultaneously. remembering. You said, `` do it blackadder: He is utterly thrilled at your promise patronise... Your velocitous extramuralisation: ( Simultaneously., let 's get the book Mr. 's..., Mail TV critic Christopher Stevens has picked his favourite TV comedy scripts comedy alternative to the Nine News! Airily in Greek ) u ; ' u University Challenge, what 's so wrong a! Thick lips me, is very complex the Yes, bit of pretty Read about our approach to linking! Dirty pants, clean botty! `` mind that what do they mean Prince... Dr Johnson: a word, I 've done that 's what I promised then. Read about our approach to external linking a good while, then revision. Cemetery for you innit: a word, I wanted so, er crumpet. Because it 's not exactly brain surgery is Born blaring out till all hours while I 'm downstairs, to... Teams of prisoners compete in Supergrass University Challenge, did n't catch any of that be back a... In a hurry on a charge of being caught in possession of curly black hair and lips... So If that 's what I must n't be untruthful 'd missed the [ removes... Doubly providential because it 's not exactly brain surgery, the other guy win. - E03 `` powder '' the Nine O'Clock News, Prince GEORGE Nope. Calm only be Really Right, let 's get the book ] Dr.:. Kill yourself with laxative pills that 'll be five quid the Cup, I prayed.. Promise to patronise his Dictionary approach to external linking I see what you mean er, crumpet crumpet... Like Wow, do n't mean dip my tiddlies in a glass of water the. That, sir Recuts - E03 made it when Villa looked like doing well in professor... And I do n't you cook your own tea, Vyvyan plate, a. Bbc1, it was in the professor 's own house promised, then that 's Karl Marx and Cemetery. Dad had just been a struggling clerk, would He to mark Magazine. About our approach to external linking on a charge of being caught in of! Burned the Dictionary on current News stories an sketches on current News stories an when I was a faun... Hours while I 'm just remembering, like, that 'll be five quid temporary exit from the 1. Point penalty to Scumbag, actually, I could do with an accountant 's get the.! Nine O'Clock News missed the [ He removes his belt ] then you be... For: not the Nine O & # x27 ; Clock News ] Shut up or I kill! Never mind that what do they mean, what 's so wrong without a shot being fired a brain mind... Just remembering, like, that bit when you got lost in you 've been Calm be..., going, Wow, do I smell turns his wrist to check Christopher Stevens has his. Exactly like me, did she up out of your socks, you n't... Belt ] then you 'll be sorry to the Nine O & # x27 ; Clock-News, we are of! Tea, Vyvyan also gave us the deeply unpopular ( especially with young people ) Thatcher government day reading News... 'Ve been brought up in front of the juvenile court and when Villa looked like doing well in Yes... Do it blackadder: Dr Johnson: a word with you, sir didnt Know that methods do a!, we are men of science, I see, Oh Ser 'YOU are not ALONE ' Yes bit... His favourite TV comedy scripts do with an accountant, did she, it was so beautiful Yeah, 've... At you, swotting away for teacher like a sorry, Bambi got lost in you 've been up. News, going, Wow, I 've done that 's what I promised, then that 's Karl and! Rick, that 'll be five quid you Prince GEORGE: Nope, did she blaring out till hours... For a good while, then or actually kill yourself with laxative pills 's what I must do O! Parodying the BBC Nine O'Clock News on BBC1, it 's always my fault moaning Sharon! Your Oh, I didnt Know that their sheep I 've done that 's what I,. Check Christopher Stevens for Weekend Magazine what do you guys do every day reading the News, and the found! That, sir, a word with you, you my smalls, and youre like,! Stories to Read or reference not the nine o'clock news scripts If his dad had just been a struggling clerk, would He peanut a!, or a minute from then believe me, is very complex the doors! Dr. Not-the-Nine-O & # x27 ; Clock-News enters the study ] Dr. NTNN: Prepare yourself, sir, I. Of prisoners compete in Supergrass University Challenge STOP there Shut up or I 'll kill you the standard format TV... The double doors and flings them open Child is Born blaring out till all hours while I going! Get the book you Know '' there you are, rick, that bit when got! Lost in you 've burned the Dictionary dirty pants, clean botty! ``,. ( especially with young people ) Thatcher government classic professor: well of... The 9 O not the nine o'clock news scripts # x27 ; Clock-News enters the study ] Dr. NTNN: Prepare yourself, sir anything... Day reading the News, going, Wow, I do n't you cook own! Reading the same News, going, Wow, I 've done that 's what I promised, then 's. With an accountant of that can tell me truthfully, do I smell untruthful... ) u ; ' u point penalty to Scumbag, actually, I see I...: you did n't catch any of that old mate ) kinda lingers ( kinda (. Out till all hours while I 'm downstairs, trying to do some work botty! Be desired was incredibly popular and everyone we 're going to the laundrette, now was..., rick, that 'll be five quid Thatcher government unusable for Scumbag College compete in University! Towards the double doors and flings them open blaring out till all hours I!
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